Wednesday, November 20, 2013

King Phillip and the Ugly Statue

Once, there was a king of Solaria named Phillip. He had a daughter he loved more than anything in the world. One day, she declared that she wanted a pet badger. But throughout the land, no one could find a badger tame enough for the princess. Alexander, Phillip's adviser, had a suggestion. "Call for the bard Kimbra. She has power over animals." So Phillip called for the bard. "Take me to the forest," she said. When they arrived at the forest, Kimbra took out her lute and began to play. A badger came out of the forest and began purring, rubbing itself against the leg of the princess. "Excellent!" cried the king. "You may have any reward you wish, up to half my kingdom." Knowing the king to be a vain man, Kimbra said, "There is nothing I would like more than to see a statue of your majesty in every village, for you are a handsome man." The king was pleased. He had the statues erected and married the bard. But when the statues were erected nine months later, the king was not pleased. He thought they made him look fat. In a rage, he killed Kimbra, and ordered the army to march through the land to tear down each and every statue. To this day, an insult that elicits a response that is too large is called a Phillipan Insult.